It can be helpful to talk to your teenager
in an everyday situation
when you are both relaxed.


For example, on a walk
or while cooking.


Remember:
Show that you are interested.
Listen carefully when you talk and think.

You will build trust
and learn to rely on each other.

When you trust each other
, your teenager is more likely
to talk to you again.

Most teenagers have seen porn
or watch it often.
But what is shown in porn movies
is not the same as having real sex.

Porn is often very violent
and lacks consent.
Then it is rape and assault.


Girls are often mistreated by men
and the injuries can be painful
both physically and psychologically.


These are often, for example, strangulation
or aggressive anal sex
that aims to hurt the girl.



When we see violence in porn there is also a risk
that we get used to it and think that it is okay.

Questions you can ask:


- Has anyone in your class seen porn
or talked about porn?

- In what situation was it?
How was it?

Tell me that:


- Sex is not the same as porn
because porn is often non-consensual
and aims to offend and hurt.

- Many people in porn movies feel bad
even if they look happy.



- The way humans work
is that we are easily aroused
by seeing other people having sex.

Therefore, some people start to like porn
that hurts other people
when they have seen it in porn many times.

- It's easy to think
that sex should be like porn
and that all your friends think the same.



- It may even be illegal
to do the same things shown in porn
to the person we are having sex with.

This is called assault
and is illegal.

Also, we may not understand
that it is actually abuse
because the same thing happens in porn.

Girls in porn often seem positive
when they are violated by men
or exposed to something that hurts.


There is research
that has investigated this.



A violation can be, for example,
being urinated on or laughed at.


Therefore, it is easy to believe
that everyone likes what is shown in porn.



Visitors to
can also click on the "like" button
on the various pornographic videos.



Because you can click like
, some people may think
that what happens in the films is good.



This is called normalization
and means that something becomes normal.


Adults need to be clear and tell us
that consent is important
when it comes to sex.



Consent means
that the person who wants to do something asks first,
and respects the answer.

Tell them that:


- Tenderness
is important in sex and relationships.

It means that we take care of each other
and treat each other well.

- It is important to be sensitive
in sex and relationships.

This means that we pay attention
and make sure that the person we have sex with
feels good.

- You cannot consent to being strangled
because you can get brain damage and die.

Questions you can ask:


- How are we affected
when we see men being aggressive
towards girls in porn movies,
or doing what they want without asking?        


- How are we affected by rarely seeing
kissing, caressing or affection
in porn movies?

Being curious about sex
is a wonderful and natural feeling
and it is important that we adults
guide teenagers.


This means telling
how sex can be a beautiful thing in relationships
unlike what is shown in porn.



By doing so
we give teenagers a chance
to spot when something is wrong.



Then they can more easily sense when something is wrong
or when they are close to crossing someone's limit
or their own limit.


Tell them that:

- It should always feel good and comfortable
for the people having sex.

Even before sex
and after sex.

Both the feelings and the body
should feel good.

- Sex should always be something wonderful
for everyone involved.



- The person who takes the initiative has the responsibility
to ask if the other person wants to
before every new thing when you have sex.



You can do this by paying attention to
and asking questions.



- If you have not received a clear Yes
, it is important to pause
and find out what the other person wants.



- Everyone's enjoyment is equally important.



Never ignore someone's no
so that you can enjoy yourself.



- To find out
what you feel comfortable with
, it is good to test yourself
before having sex with someone else.


- You should never volunteer
for anything you don't want to do.



For example, it could be something
that the other person has seen in a porn movie.



- You don't have to be afraid
to say no.
That doesn't mean you're boring!

It is important to talk about
that we can feel different emotions
when watching porn.

Some people can get excited
when they see other people having sex,
even if they don't like what they see.

Remember:


Listen to your teenager
and be understanding
when talking about this.

In porn movies, it is very rare that
anyone is shown obtaining consent. 


Obtaining consent means
finding out if the other person
really wants to have sex.



Not obtaining consent is illegal.

If teenagers do the same
as in a normal porn movie
there is a big risk
that they are doing something illegal.

Questions you can ask:


- Have you seen someone in a porn movie
obtaining consent - or not? 

On July 1, 2018, the law on consent was introduced.
The law says that sex should be voluntary.



This means that those having sex
should have understood what it is about
and agreed to it. 

If sex is not voluntary
then it is illegal and prohibited.



So you have to ask first
and find out if the other person wants to.
Otherwise it is forbidden.

Tell me that:


- Anyone who shows or says they want to have sex
is responsible for obtaining consent.



Obtaining consent means finding out
whether the other person really wants to have sex.



You must obtain consent
every time you have sex.



- You must obtain consent
every time you do something new
during sex.



If you have not done so
, what you are doing is illegal.



This is called a sexual assault
and is something you can be punished for.

- We can never persuade anyone
to consent!

- If one person is unsure
, it is important to pause
and ask what the other person wants. 

Questions you can ask:

- Do you think some people say yes to sex
because they are afraid to say no?



For example, if one person is in love
but not the other.
Or if the other is older
or cooler.

- If a person agrees to have sex
because they get money,
what would happen
if the person paying
says that the money is gone.



Do you think the person
still wants to have sex then?



Is it possible to buy consent?

Tell your child
that we can say no in different ways:

"Wait" means no

"I'm not sure" means no

"Not now" means no

"I have changed my mind" means no

"Stop" means no

"It hurts" means no


It is also possible to show with the body
that we want or do not want.

Many people who watch pornography get used to it
and get tired of what they see
and want to see coarser things with more violence.



The makers of the films
listen to the wishes of the viewers
and therefore make pornographic films
that get worse and worse.


Then more violence and abuse is shown.
Even illegal things are shown.


Strangulation is preventing someone from breathing
by putting a hand
around the other person's neck,
while they are having sex.



Many young people tell
that what is known as strangulation sex
is something they often see in pornography
and experience themselves.



It's easy to think that strangulation
is something everyone does and enjoys.



Many are also afraid
to say no to it
so as not to be perceived as boring.

Tell me that:



- It is dangerous to obstruct breathing
regardless of whether someone has agreed to it.



- Strangulation can lead to many injuries.
In 2015, a 16-year-old girl died from strangulation
here in Sweden.



The same has happened in several other countries.



- Violence can cause serious damage
both physically to the body
and psychologically in terms of how we feel.

Questions you can ask:


- How much violence can be consented to?
Where do we draw the line?


An authority
called Brottsförebyggande rådet
conducted a study in 2021.
It is called "Violence in Young People's Relationships"

The survey showed
that almost half of the girls
aged 15-19 years
had experienced sexual violence in their relationship.



Sexual violence
can be, for example, abuse
and harassment.



It does not matter
whether it was done accidentally or on purpose.
It should still be taken seriously
by both adults and teenagers.



We recommend
that sexual abuse should be reported
to the police.

Tell them that:



- It is not obvious
that your partner wants to have sex
or wants to try what you want to try.



- There is no automatic consent to sex
because you are together.


Consent must be obtained
before every new thing you do,
every time you have sex.



- Take care of each other
and make sure it feels good for both
as you and your partner
get to know each other's bodies.

Questions you can ask:



- What happens in a relationship
when one person wants to watch porn
and try things from the porn,
and the other person doesn't want to?

In porn movies, one type of body is often shown.
For example, many do not have hair on their body.



Many of the girls
have enlarged their breasts,
their lips and buttocks
or have reduced the size of their labia.

Girls are also often forced
to endure severe pain.

Men often have fit bodies
and big dicks
that have been hard for a very long time.



When we watch porn movies, we may think
that this is how we should look and be.



To get a more real picture
of what different bodies can look like
it is better to go to a bathhouse
and look around.

Tell them that:


- Many of the girls in porn movies
are in pain and take painkillers
to cope with the filming of the movie.



Many of the men in porn movies
take potency enhancers
such as Viagra.



It is medicine
that makes it last longer.


Without the medication
many of the actors
would not have made it through the shoot.

Questions you can ask:


- How are we affected by seeing only
one type of body in porn movies?



- Do you think it is common
to be able to stay hard for as long
as the men in porn movies?



- Men in porn movies
are often violent towards girls
and do things without asking.

How do you think this affects us?

Be curious and show that you care
about what your teenager is doing online!

If you don't bring up topics
like social media, sex and porn
they won't bring it up with you either.


It is important to show interest
so that your teenager
can trust you.


For example, you can start by
playing their favorite game together.


Questions you can ask:


- What do you think is fun to do on the internet?



- Can you show me?

It is common
for guys to send dickpics to girls
without asking if the girl wants them.



A dickpic is a picture
of a guy's dick.



Guys often nag or pressure girls
to send nude photos or videos.



Nude pictures are also called 'nudes'.

Sometimes pictures and videos of minors
can end up on porn sites
and it can be very difficult
to remove them from there.


A minor is a person
who is under 15 years of age.



Click here to go to the website dittecpat.se.
There minors can get help
to try to remove nude pictures
that have been spread online.

Tell them that:



- You should never nag or pressure anyone
to send nude photos.



You can only send nude photos
if the person has said ok
or asked for the photo.



- It can be a crime
to send naked pictures to someone
without their request.



- It can be a crime
to nag or pressure someone
to send nude photos.



- You never have to send nude photos
if someone is nagging you!



- It does not matter
if you know the person
you are sending to.


Naked pictures or movies with nudity
can easily spread on the internet
and they can stay there forever.
Then you lose control
of the image or movie.



- If you have nude photos on your phone
, others can pass them on
if you lend your phone to someone.

- With today's technology
it is possible to create nude images
from ordinary images
of people wearing clothes.

Grooming means that a child or teenager
is approached and tricked
by a person on the internet.


For example, an adult
may threaten or persuade someone
to send naked pictures of themselves,
their siblings or friends.



Grooming and is illegal.



There is a short film about grooming on Youtube.
The movie is called "I think I'm a bit in love with you".



The movie is recommended
for people aged 11 or older.
Therefore, it is a good idea
to see the movie yourself
before telling your teenager about it.



Click here to access the movie.



If you need support
you can contact a school counsellor.



The police have created a website
called "Is it shareable?".
where you can read more about
nude photos and grooming.



It also provides tips and advice.
Click here to access the movie.

Remember:


If your teenager has been involved in grooming
, it is important never to blame them.



It is never the teenager's fault!



All sexual crimes against children on the internet
should be reported to the police.

Tell them that:


- Sometimes people lie
and it can be difficult to know
who is really writing to you
on the internet.



- I will never get mad at you
if you tell me
that you have been involved in grooming.



- If something happens
I will help and support you.

Social media
often have an age limit of 13 years
to protect children and young people.

For example, on the website X (formerly Twitter)
the user
must be at least 13 years old.
But unfortunately it is still allowed
to post pornographic films or nude pictures.



This is often referred to as pornographic content.



On other social media
such as Tiktok and Instagram
, pornographic content is not allowed.

But porn sites can still have their own social media accounts

and attract and link to different porn sites.

There are social media
that are largely about
selling nude photos and homemade porn.
For example, Onlyfans.



Onlyfans is very popular
and has several million users.
Where it is also difficult to check
that those selling and buying
are not under 18.



Those who sell photos and videos on Onlyfans
call themselves creators.


The creators also have their own accounts
on other social media
to attract new people to Onlyfans
or other porn sites.



On SVT play there is a documentary
about Onlyfans
called "Pornfluencers".



Click here to watch the documentary.

Remember:


Listen carefully to your teenager
and don't get angry with your child.

Questions you can ask:


- Why do you think some people choose
to sell nude photos or movies?

What can go wrong?



- Have you seen creators on Instagram
linking to their account on Onlyfans?



Why do you think it is allowed?



Could this inspire more people
to start selling their own porn?