Many children in preschool class and primary school don’t know the word “porn” or know what it is. Avoid the word if your child hasn’t already heard it, so they don’t Google the word and be exposed to pornography. Instead, tell them that there are things on the internet that are not suitable for children to see. Like pictures and videos containing nudity, in which some people don’t respect other people’s private body parts and sometimes even hurt each other.

If your child hasn’t already learned, tell them which body parts are private: willy, vagina, bottom, mouth, inside of the thighs and breasts for older girls. Also tell them that your private body parts are your own and that everyone can only touch their own private body parts. It’s also important to say that the whole body must be respected and that no-one may touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

According to the Swedish National Agency for Education curriculum, children must be taught about bodily privacy at preschool. Many preschools use the material entitled “Respect! My Body!” from Save the Children. The material is available to download if you want to use it with your child.

When, as adults, we ask for consent, we show that the child’s and other people’s bodily privacy is important and is something that goes without saying. Physical contact with another person must always feel good for everyone involved, before, during and after. One example is to offer a hug using words and body language and wait until the child gives a “yes or no signal”. That’s how we teach a child that their own and other people’s bodies must be respected.

Teach your child that it’s up to the person who takes the physical initiative to get consent. For example, you can say to your child, “If you want to hug or tickle someone, first ask them if they want to do it as well.” For example, the child could ask: “Do you want a hug?”, “Is that OK with you?" or "Do you want to be tickled?".

If you teach your child to ask at an early age, it might be easier for the child to accept a no. The child might not feel so rejected if they’ve asked a question in order to check the situation. Tell them that it’s perfectly OK to feel sad, angry or disappointed when you get a no. The no must nevertheless be respected. Tell them that words like “not now,” “wait,” and “stop” can also mean no. Some preschools are working on Make Equal’s book “Okej med dig?” [OK with you?], which is about consent. If you want to use it, it’s available to download.

It’s also important to tell your child that it’s perfectly OK for them to say no, even if it disappoints the other person. It can be a good idea for you and the child to come up with a couple of responses together for when the child don’t want physical contact with someone. One example might be “No thanks, I’ve run out of hugs today” or “Here’s a ‘high five’ instead”.

The vast majority of children don’t tell an adult if they’re exposed to pornography. To make a child more likely to tell you, you can ask the child to think about which adults they feel safest with in various ordinary situations. Question: “Who would you most like to talk to at school if something happens that makes you feel uncomfortable?” Mention other places such as after-school club, leisure activities, at their best friend’s house, etc.

It’s a good idea to repeat the exercise once every three months so it’s fresh in the child’s memory and the child can think of a new person if an after-school club leader leaves, for example. If the child has thought about it in advance, they’re more likely to go to an adult if something that makes them feel uncomfortable happens. Just the same as it’s easier to get out of a building when there’s a fire if you’ve memorised where the fire exits are.

The child is even more likely to tell if they’ve told their safe adults that they’ve been chosen and has received a warm reaction. Then, in a way, they’ve already started the conversation and it can be much easier to actually dare to tell the adult if something that makes them feel uncomfortable happens. So encourage your child to tell their chosen adults.

Finding out that a child has been exposed to pornography can give rise to powerful emotions in an adult. If that happens, it’s important for you to put your own feelings on hold and focus entirely on the child’s feelings. Listen to how the child is feeling, ask open-ended questions to get an idea of what the child has seen and how the child has reacted. Speak calmly and show that you won’t get angry. Also show that you can listen no matter what the child tells you and that you’ll always help and support the child. Be sure to unburden the child of any feelings of guilt and shame.

Bear in mind that children don’t want to make adults sad or angry and that overwhelming reactions can mean that the child won’t want to tell you next time they’re exposed to pornography. The aim is for the child to dare to talk about it next time as well and to want to have an ongoing dialogue with you while they’re growing up. Thank the child for the trust they have shown in you by daring to tell you and say that you’re happy that the child is talking to you about what happened.

Always focus on the child and acknowledge the child’s feelings in every conversation, whether the child has been exposed to pornography unwillingly, has searched for pornography themselves, has seen others watching pornography or is just curious.

There is often racism in pornography in a way that would be unthinkable in most other contexts. For example, many porn sites allow you to choose which people you want to watch based on race. Porn videos are often divided into categories such as "Japanese", "Arab" and "Indian" etc. 

The porn industry also often sexualizes tragedies in society. For example, BLM (Black Lives Matter) porn, refugee porn and corona porn were created in connection with each tragedy.

Porn racism, like other porn genres, is often completely uncommented on by the adult world and children are left alone with the impressions. What children can see, however, is the normalizing like button on e.g. "Bound naked young Oriental slave on her knees taught how to suck cock" listed on Pornhub, January 1, 2023, 72% likes. Read more about porn racism here.

It is particularly important to emphasize the inviolable and equal value of all human beings for the youngest children, who find it particularly difficult to relate to the impressions of pornography. Talk to your child in a positive way about differences. You have a very important task to build a strong foundation that gives your child resilience to the influence of pornography. 

Positive inclusion exercise

By asking simple inclusive questions, you can help your child to self-reflect on positive aspects of different origins. 

• What's the best thing about looking different?

• What different languages can the children in your class speak?

• What words do you know in other languages?

We need to be concrete with children about the content of pornography to build as much resilience as possible - without saying too much - preferably before they have been exposed. Tell them that there are things on the internet that children should not see, such as videos and pictures of nudity where people are treated badly because they have a different color skin. Explain that unfortunately some people hurt others and are mean to each other and that this is very bad. Emphasize that it is wrong to say something mean or hurt someone because they are a certain gender or look a certain way. Tell them that if they see something like that, they should always go to an adult they feel safe with and tell them. 

Incest-themed, "barely legal," and "teen" are some of the biggest trends on some of the most popular mainstream sites with millions of movies that are free and accessible to anyone regardless of age. Therefore, it is common for children as early as preschool class and primary school age to be exposed to this type of, e.g. by an older child at school showing.

Examples of videos from two of the world's most popular sites are:

"SisLovesMe – Shy Stepsister With Puffy Nips Mazy Myers Gets Her Tiny Pussy Stretched By Stepbro" – 34.4K views, 87% likes. Listed January 11, 2023 on Youporn.

"STEPFATHER FUCKS TINY TEEN BECAUSE HIS WIFE WOULD NOT" – 10.9M views, 87% likes. Listed January 11, 2023 on Pornhub.

This type of movies are often high up on the front pages as soon as the children enter the sites and it is common for children already at primary school age to be exposed to so-called "incest", e.g. by an older child at school showing. It can be very harmful for children to see where it looks like adults or siblings are abusing children. Read more in our knowledge section How are children affected? This is a complex and serious problem. If you think a child has been exposed and is not feeling well, we recommend that you seek professional help, e.g. from the school counsellor. For more information, see How are children affected?.

In general, other expert advice applies here as well: Talk calmly, lift off any guilt or shame, listen to the child's feelings, try not to transfer your own feelings. 

Repeat with the child that penis, vagina, buttocks, mouth, throat, inner thighs and breasts for older girls are private body parts. Read more about private body parts, bodily integrity and "Stop! My body!" at Save the Children, Save the Children, Save the Children and Treskablinoll.

Try to find out if the child has been exposed to by asking open-ended questions and without saying the word, if the child does not already know that word. Instead of the word, you can ask if the child has seen pictures and videos with nudity. 



Explain that unfortunately there are pictures and videos on the internet where adults touch children's private body parts, that it is wrong and that it should not be so. Explain that it is not good for children to see pictures or videos of adults or other children touching children's or adults' private body parts. 

Explain to the child that no adult, or any child, is allowed to touch, photograph or film their private body parts or ask the child to touch the child's own or someone else's private body parts.

List a few examples so that it becomes concrete and the child understands which ones it is about. For example, you can say to the child: "Not teachers, recreation leaders, football coaches, a friend's siblings or parents, cousins or anyone else in the family. 

Emphasize that it is never the child's fault or responsibility if this happens. Tell them that it's common for children to feel bad and sad, and that it's okay to feel sad and feel bad. Tell the child that it is important that the child tells an adult with whom they feel safe if it has happened.

Seek professional help if necessary. We always encourage you to report to the police if a child has been subjected to a crime.


Sometimes children feel guilt or shame when they’ve been watching pornography and it’s important for adults to unburden the child of those feelings. One way of doing that is to tell them that it’s never a child’s “fault” if they’ve seen pornography and by showing that we won’t get angry. Another way is to tell the child that it’s adults’ job to protect children from things that aren’t suitable for them to see on the internet and that you’ll do your best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Children need their parents’ insight, help and involvement just as much in their online world as they do offline. Show just as much interest in what your child is doing in both worlds. Sit next to your child while they’re browsing and ask what they’re doing. Ask whether your child wants to show you things they think are fun and teach you about apps and games. Showing interest is an important way of building trust and gaining insight. Then it becomes natural to talk about different things online, including things that may feel more uncomfortable.

We recommend complying with age recommendations on the various social media platforms. It’s normally easier if you come to an agreement about that with other parents at your child’s school, after-school club or group of friends before the children get phones and start creating social media accounts.

It’s common for children to send one another links to material that’s not child-friendly, such as links to porn sites. Tell your child that links from other people can lead to things that’ll scare you or make you feel bad and that your child should always ask an adult if they feel unsure before clicking on a link. Tell them that you’ll never be angry if something happens that makes the child feel bad. Unburden the child of any feelings of guilt or shame they may have, keep calm and listen to the child.

When your child starts to come into contact with social media on their own phone or an older sibling’s or friend’s phone, there is a risk that the child may be contacted by adults who want to harm the child through so-called grooming. Be on the alert about your child’s contact with social media. There are adults who send messages and nude pictures to a child or ask the child to send nude pictures of themselves or to take pictures of their siblings or friends and send nude pictures of them. So it’s important to teach children about private body parts and tell them that no-one is allowed to ask the child to photograph and send pictures of their private body parts. Also, tell them not to share private information such as their name, home address, school, etc.

Help your child register a username on social media instead of using their own name since that reduces the risk of someone who wants to harm them being able to search for them. Also help to activate privacy settings on the child’s accounts.

Tell them that you’ll never get angry if something happens and that you’ll always help and support them. Unburden the child of any feelings of guilt or shame and thank your child for having the confidence in you to tell you. Get professional help if you need it, e.g. from a school counsellor.

You can read more about nude pictures and grooming and get more advice on the Swedish Police website. If you suspect that a sexual offence is being committed against a child online, you must report it to the police.

Tell your child that no-one is allowed to send the child nude pictures of private body parts or ask the child to send nude pictures. Say that if this does happen, it’s important for the child to go to an adult that they feel safe with and tell them. Explain that you lose control of pictures and videos once you’ve sent them and they can easily be spread on the internet and remain there forever.

Nude pictures and videos of minors can end up on porn sites and it can be very difficult to get them taken down and they can also be uploaded again. Minors can get help to try and take down nude pictures that have been spread online at dittecpat.se.

Tell them that you’ll never get angry if something happens and that you’ll always help and support them. Make it clear that it’s never the child’s fault if someone spreads their pictures. Unburden the child of any feelings of guilt or shame and thank the child for having the confidence in you to tell you. Get professional help if you need it.

Have the talk in an everyday situation that’s comfortable for you both. For example, conversation usually flows well when you’re moving or doing something together, such as going for a walk or cooking. Examples of questions to initiate the conversation:

• Show interest in the child’s internet. Ask what the child likes and ask the child to show you what they do and what they watch. 

• Ask questions in the third person. Has anyone in their class watched or shown videos containing nudity?

• Ask whether the child is curious about sex and what they know about sex and what they’d like to know. You can say that you understand if the child is curious about what the body looks like or what it looks like when someone has sex.
  

One convenient way to start the conversation is to use a third party as a starting point. For example, put an age-appropriate book or article on the kitchen table, such as Save the Children’s folder “Respect! My Body!” on consent for younger children.

You’re welcome to read on, but don’t think that you need to be skilled to have the perfect big talk. If you do think that, it often doesn’t come off or it happens after the child’s first exposure to pornography rather than before. None of us is skilled in this area, which is also developing at lightning speed. For example, the pornography industry is constantly finding new ways of marketing itself and there are new trends as far as content is concerned. The important thing is that no child should to be left alone with experiences from pornography that can be traumatising. So don't put off the talk!

If it feels awkward to talk to your child, bear in mind that you’ve talked about things that felt uncomfortable before, perhaps if the child experienced something nasty on TV or someone was getting bullied at school. You know your child. Trust your relationship and have confidence that you’ll find your way in this conversation as well. Children often want to talk to adults about both positive and negative powerful experiences, but they don’t always bring them up themselves. It’s therefore important for us adults to have the talk regularly!